Drop your shitty friend. Right now. Just, drop them.
Or don’t. But a consequence of not doing so that you have to accept is that other friends might drop you for your shitty friend. Or maybe even see you as a shitty friend.
There are a number of reasons why you won’t, or can’t, drop a shitty friend. Loads are legit. If someone cares for you, it’s kinda hard to drop that. If you’re in a relationship with someone, it’s kinda hard to drop that too. If you’re unwell and not able to take that responsibility, yeah- legit. But we can also respond to these reasons however we see fit: we can be totally cool with it and ne’er another word spoken, we can take a step back, we can promise to talk about it at some point in the future, and we can also say Goodbye. Those goodbyes can be reluctant or enthusiastic, and they can be mournful or a relief, but you have to be okay with them regardless.
These are reasonable boundaries to establish, particularly if your friend’s shitty friend induces in you some kind of trauma, or actively (and maybe even intentionally) oppresses you. If your friend is a rape apologist, and another friend says ‘hey, they’re a fucking rape apologist, why are you their pal?’ you listen to that. You don’t throw that out by saying ‘they’re a good activist’ or ‘they helped me through a rough time’. Both of those things might be true, but in saying them, you’re still ignoring what you’re being told. You’re excusing shitty behaviour with unrelated information. If I had a quid for every time a rape apologist had been excused on such grounds? I’d be one rich bitch.
If your friend is shitty and oppressive and you’re silent? That’s complicity. Obviously this can be muddied when you’re calling out people with power over you, but often this isn’t the case. You’re not obliged to be a 24/7 call-out machine, but when you’re constantly silent, we notice. Complicity is, by and large, driven by a desire to avoid confrontation.
And I get it, confrontation is hard. And if there were ever an olympics for burning bridges, I’d be a front-runner. I don’t expect anybody to be quite as forthcoming with the dropping of their shitty friends as I am, but you gotta at least pretend you care about your shitty friends’ shit.
And my top tip? If someone says they’re uncomfortable with your shitty friend, agree. Sympathise. Empathise. Don’t call them hysterical, or say they’re going too far. Certainly don’t write a thinly veiled rant about parties and kebabs on sidewalks or something (yeah, this thinly veiled rant is about your thinly veiled rant).
Stop making excuses for your shitty friend. Accept that they’re shitty, and call them on their shit. Why do you want shitty friends anyway?
Fuck B10, fuck their friends. Fuck NCAFC, fuck AWL, and fuck all the other rape apologists parading around, taking up space, and sucking our fucking lifeforce. You’re shitty. You friends with these people? Your friends are shitty. Deal with it. Drop these shitty friends.